The importance of perspective

At this moment I am working on an assignment. It’s explaining why I want to teach others, you, the importance of being believed and hence regaining perspective. So here I go. This is about doubting yourself, being the result of not having been taken seriously at one point or another (or several times, maybe even still ongoing) in your life. Let’s change this, starting today. Let’s be kind to yourself

Not being believed 

How to move on when no one is listening to you?

There’s nothing harder than not being believed. There’s nothing harder than not being taken seriously. Except for maybe losing perspective and no longer knowing how to move forward.

It’s moments like these people, or maybe you, start giving up. It won’t be something happening overnight. We are talking about this being repeated over and over again.

The sad thing? Those doing so, might not even be aware they are making you smaller with every time they are brushing you off. Alas your subconscious mind considers every time “you’re not being believed” the next strike and keeps score unless something changes.

The change starts with you

Having perspective is hard when you need someone to believe (in) you, in order to move on

Although not being believed is something done by other people and circumstances, leaving an imprint on your end, it takes you to make a change. 

The question is what will make you stand up for yourself and speak up? When was the last time you thought about your dreams and goals?

It start with your self talk

It starts with you recognizing what you are doing (to yourself). It’s followed by deciding it’s time for change. 

Once you become aware of what you’re telling yourself, it becomes hard to not be aware of this anymore. Chances are doubt will set in the moment that others are ignoring what your saying. That’s when you might continue with what you have been doing before, being frustrated, resulting in putting yourself down.

You deserve to be kind to yourself

What do you need? What would change if you could give yourself some grace? 

If you were to say this to a child, how would that come across? Would you?

It’s time for change

You will need to start somewhere. This might take multiple times. That’s okay.

Something that hasn’t started overnight, will hardly ever, if not at all change in a heartbeat. It takes time. That’s why support is so important. That’s why making this into a habit is so important. Asking support might be hard enough. How will you be start working on a habit to change this?

Start by writing down what you tell yourself

It’s about becoming aware of your own self talk

You likely have a phone which you can use for notes. If not, you likely have a notebook. If you have neither, find something you can write on and next get a notebook. 

Make the time

Looking inside might be the hardest thing to do. It might make you come up with excuses. I promise you that when you dare to start working on your self talk, being your own cheerleader, you will become happier and smile more.

Creating a habit is linked to doing something every day. The easiest way to start something is on a fixed moment in the day. In case it’s about talking yourself down, there are two moments to start working on this. The first one is whenever you say something (which alas can happen multiple times a day). The other one is at the end of the day, or at least when you have the time to wind down.

The goal is to treat yourself with grace

Grace is about being kind to yourself, instead of judging yourself. Let’s be the one who is kind to you. If you don’t, who will?

When you write things down, take a look at what you have written down. How judgmental are you towards yourself? And more importantly, is what you are saying really true? 

Have you used phrases like “you’re weak”? “I need to toughen up”. 

I’ve know I’ve written this here before, but let me ask you again: “If you were to say this to a child, how would that come across? Would you?”

If you were raised that way, dealing with specific hard circumstances and there was literally no other choice you might actually say so. That doesn’t mean that at the same you can’t be kind to yourself and appreciate yourself at the same time. 

Unfortunately these things are also being said in “normal” times. There are people out there who do say so, likely because they are raised that way themselves, who will tell you or at least imply to toughen up and not be a baby. They might even say “I am… and I am doing it too”, as if because they are suffering, you should be too.

You are not them. They are not you. Do they know who you are and what’s going on with you? Do you know what’s going on with you? Are you aware of what you have tried in the past and how this worked out for you? Who has made you push your boundaries over and over again, until it became a habit to keep doing so?

Take a moment to have this sink in. Don’t rush and skip this question. When were you last aware of your boundaries?

Now look at what you’ve told yourself. Ask yourself if it’s true. Maybe you didn’t do what you would have liked yourself to do (or better said you did what others expected you to do), but why is this? Who do you believe? Yourself or all the others, because they might have said so more than once?

This is what I mean by giving yourself grace. Look at these words and look at yourself as if you were a little kid. What would you tell yourself? Wouldn’t it be better to use encouraging words?

Reward yourself afterwards

Be proud of yourself for being vulnerable.

The first time is often the hardest. Reward yourself for going deep and confronting yourself with how you look at yourself. If you haven’t been kind to yourself, please do so now. Afterwards reward yourself. Pat yourself on your shoulders (yes, both of them) and let yourself know you did good.

Promise yourself to keep repeating this process of uplifting yourself, whenever you put yourself down.

Make it fun

Building confidence and believe is hard enough as it is. Let’s make it fun.

When you do this daily, you will start recognizing when you are putting yourself down. That is what we are after. If you see it, you can change it.

It helps to apply a sense of humor to something that is so serious. That are various ways to do so. One is by writing it down a number of times, as if you’re writing down lines as a punishment and at some time you will get to see how ridiculous that task actually is. That’s when you can start to laugh out loud.

If that doesn’t work, use some music, or watch a funny YouTube video. Whatever you do, keep going until you have given yourself grace. 

Expressing yourself in different ways

“7 Ways to Express yourself with Fun”.

In order to give you a boost, I’ve created two handouts. One is =>“7 Ways to Express yourself with Fun” <=. The other is a script =>“How to turn negative beliefs into positive ones” <=. Both can be found, by clicking each sentence. Each is less than a cup or about the price of a fancy of cup of coffee. Can your gift yourself these?

I also have created a training =>“How to Express Yourself with fun” <=, which actually contains both handouts. How about gifting yourself these today? How about gifting yourself the gift of transformation? How about doing it with someone else?

Some final words 

Give yourself this gift of perspective and learning to speak up! 

It’s Valentine this week. But even if it weren’t (depending on when you are reading this), how about gifting yourself this gift of learning to express yourself in fun ways and in the process learning to speak up? How about learning how to recognize negative self talk and changing it into stimulating, positive self talk that allows you to have perspective and dreams again?

What are you waiting for? Get the handouts, or better yet, go straight for =>the training “How to Express Yourself with Fun” <=.

You are worth it, so give yourself (and others) this gift!

Lady Lexy