When you shout in an echoey location behind me, be prepared for me screaming back. I’ll likely scream “Hey”, followed in a normal or soft voice, “please don’t scream in this place since it echoes.”

The result? Well… that depends on how well the other takes it.

Honestly, I would never advice anyone to do so. Alas, this was an instant reaction, sort of like cringing, when instantly spooked. I simply cannot handle loud sounds, especially when my left ear drum gets a full overload. Sort of like standing next to a speaker, which all of sudden gets turned on full force, playing that one heavy chord.

Even though I immediately said why I reacted the way I did, this wasn’t heard by the other party. The other people were likely just as overwhelmed by my reaction as I was by theirs. The difference? They started to use foul language, coming up with reasons why I was wrong and I wasn’t even capable of processing it. I wasn’t out for a fight. I didn’t want to argue (which was exactly what happened). All I wanted was to express that I couldn’t handle the sound and if they please could refrain from shouting in such a location next time around.

What happened was that the four of us, two adults (parents) and a kid and me were walking outside, using a revolving door. Apparently the boy did something he was not supposed to do and the guy shouted at him in a loud voice. Normally, I could care less. I am not to tell you what to do or not to do, unless the child is in danger. It was his loud voice, which echoed, shattering my left ear as if someone punched me on my ear, which had me startled.

No, I cannot handle loud sounds. I play drums wearing earplugs. I always go to concerts wearing earplugs. I even have them for whenever I fly. I duck when you start screaming in my ear, since I cannot handle the volume. One of my ear drums is like a shattered box when exposed to loud sounds. This is the result of having worked on a call center for a year and a half, wearing a headphone. In addition I have my ears cleaned every 6 month to a year, since I get colds regularly, which is the result of allergies, so I deal with all variation between nothing to loud with a resonating bass. 

So it this reaction only because of a shattered eardrum? I wish I would be able to say yes, but truth be told, this is the result of me being sensitive to an over abundance of stimulants, caused by light and sound (and most likely also by touch). Yes, I am neurodivergent. That’s why I understand my clients so immensely well. I also react differently compared to most people out there. I have problems working in a location with people constantly on the phone, especially when one person can be heard way better than all others. I don’t have a problem (usually, the exception being whilst writing this) with people talking around me, whilst I am having a latte and am working. I honestly like a little buzzing going on around me.

It is in the silence though, that I have the most problems. When working in my own space, in my own building, with some tv as background noise (I like slight distractions, it helps with the ADHD and focusing on what I am doing), I am in my element. I have noticed that listening to music has the opposite effect nowadays, because I listen with attention and intent and of course that makes me focus on the wrong things (depending on how you look at it). What I cannot handle is when it is after midnight, and all of a sudden the youngest one of the neighbors two doors down, turns the subwoofer up full force, including with pumping bass. I try to ignore it, but when it’s louder than my tv, it gets annoying pretty quickly.

Unfortunately I can get easily distracted. If you wonder about this, just check out the previous paragraph. One could say that it is to the point of being overwhelmed easily. It’s the same when driving at night and dealing with the extremes of the dark night versus the bright head lights. I try not to duck, but I cannot look at the light, just as I cannot handle too much sunlight, without tearing up. 

So what can one do about being overwhelmed (too) easily?

1. Talk about it with others. Not necessarily straight away with the ones involved, unless you and  all of them are calm and open for a discussion. However to unload, it can help to talk to someone who is not involved, just to get it off your mind. It is what I did, since I got a call on the phone. Were I to ever meet these people again, there might be an opportunity to explain what happened. In this case, me reacting the way I did and especially WHY.
2. Ponder about it, which is what I am doing right now. My initial reaction when she started asking all these questions and next concluding that I was exaggerating, was wondering what was happening and why I reacted the way I did. I wanted to explain it, but I was still processing what had happened. One could say I was sort of in shock. Was this a PTSD trigger or was it “just” a physical reaction? Regardless of why, I needed to get back in the right frame of mind. Not so much of how they reacted, but because I felt overwhelmed with what had happened. If this were to happen again and I know why I reacted the way I did, maybe it won’t come as much as a surprise. 
3. See if there are any tools to diminish what has been bugging you. In my case I have earplugs for just about every occasion and I also am considering a new kind of earplug, which filters out background noise. Make sure you check what is you want and need. I always want to hear what is going on around me, so I will not use something which blocks everything around me. For others, this may be perfect though.
4. Last but not least, let it go. You know what has happened, you discussed it with others, you have thought about what you could change for yourself, now it’s time not to waste too much energy on it. I know, that’s easier said than done. I still slow down when I arrive at my building late to get back to work again, to see if I can expect noise. Somehow that makes it easier than hearing it and initially doubting myself. I do know what it was like to be young and not being aware of the burden you caused others. I initially played drums with rubber pats (to dampen it) in an apartment building consisting of wooden floors with hay in between. Yes, after a while, I bought an electronic drumkit and my dad isolated the room for me, but the damage was done. Now I am on the receiving end.

Being able to see it in a new perspective, can help immensely. I know that people want to feel heard, seen and understood and I am the first one to help accomplish this. One of the ways to do so though is by understanding why people do what they do, other than “because they can”. That always takes the edge off.

I feel much more relaxed after having written this down. Besides writing I had a bite to eat, had some cold latte and a hot one too and in addition I had this post and some other work done. That always feels good. So now I will leave you with a huge smile.

If you feel inspired by this, please leave a comment and if you have some questions, please feel free to reach out. I coach people daily 1:1 and in a group setting, specifically to get a better understanding of what they are doing themselves and what they can do to deal with whatever is driving them up the wall.